u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
