I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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