Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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