it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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