Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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