I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize