..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
