Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
