My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
this is an emotional support booty call
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
