If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
