well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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