What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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