Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
