do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
