So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
