Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
