when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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