i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
