Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
