Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
