just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
