ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
