okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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