You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
