i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
