My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
