I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
