Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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