3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
