Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
