Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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