this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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