STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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