No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
