My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
