I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
