you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
