ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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