you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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