I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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