Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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