is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
