70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
