Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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