Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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