I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
