remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
