I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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