Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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