just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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