i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
