Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
