Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize