Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He has the fingertips of a God
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