What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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