Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
