Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Operation Purity has been aborted
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
