No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
