I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
