i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
