does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
