you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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