Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
