Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
