Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
