Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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